Attractive You

He kisses him. He scolds him. He watches him. He smiles at him. He protects him. We all see him vulnerable. We all see his sensative, emotional, affectionate yet masculine side. Theres something so attractive about a man when he interacts with his child.
Despite scary thoughts of being a step mom or dealing with baby mama drama, i can’t help but be taken by the thought of it. The thought of being touched by the sensative, emotional, affectionate yet masculine side of attractive you.

Stupid Bitch

He could of been the love of your life.

OK I might be exagerating a little. I was in target, walking throught the see spot isle, when he looked at me. But he didn’t just look. He LOOOOOOOKED. He gazed. He stared. I looked at his face to see if he was cute and he was. Because I’m such a chicken and I dont practice what I preach I just went about my business. It was almost like it was ment to be. I kept seeing him in different isle. He even tapped his friend and said, “that’s her”.

After passing him many times I made my way to the cashier, looking back all the way. I lost him.

On the way down the escalator, I was cursing him out in my head. Y didn’t he try to talk to me?

And then it hit me. And I began cursing myself out. You stupid bitch. If he would of said something to you. It would have bothered you. You stupid bitch. You wouldn’t of talked to him. You should of at least smiled. You stupid bitch.

Never too late.

Like Luther said. Or whoever.

I think I’m going to college. I just want to get away. I want to get a REAL education. I don’t want to live here. It’s stopping my flow. Or not allowing me to start a flow. An angel told me that I should just go somewhere and get it done. I call her angel because she sparked something in me. If she didn’t suggest I would have never considered it.

I can Imagine me there. I think I would like it. Meeting people. Learning. Acquiring new skills. Making memories. Feeling like I’m actually doing something with my life.

I can Imagine getting my degree. Walking across the stage. Feeling accomplished. So proud of myself.

I’m scared of loans but I can work it out. I am scared to leave the my job, but I’ll get a better one.

I think I’m ready to take a risk. It feels so right.

There’s so much to say.

The KING

THREE HEADS ARE BETTER THAN TWO

TWO THREE HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE TWO

There should have been a third sex.
Not a mix between a man and a woman. With the best of each. Just another sex.
Seems like its not that simple for god or evolution or whoever.
Maybe it should have been asexual. Maybe it should have been a man, a woman and it in a triple relationship, not a man and a woman in a couple. Maybe it should have been a couple, but a man or woman or a it should have three sex choices for a significant other.

Hmmm. Makes sense to me.

There’s so much to say,
The KING

Baby Fever

I wanna a baby. I know its young of me to think that im old enough, but still. I want a baby.

I want a boy.

I want to kiss him. Yes… I actually want to kiss something. A billion times. kiss his cheek. Kiss his head.

I want to smell him. Smell his neck. Smell his feet.

I want a girl.

I want to bite her. Bite her hands. Bite her knees.

I wanna dress her. Bathe her. Feed her. Change her diaper. Rock her to sleep.

I want a boy.

I wanna him to smile at me.

I wanna hear him laugh. I wanna see him frown.

I wanna hold him in my arms. I want him to hold my finger in his hand.

I want to feel my face lite up when i see him, think of him and talk about him. I want everone to see me glow.

I want a gurl.

I wanna to hear her cry and scream. Be fustrated enough to cry and scream myself.

I want her to take up all my thoughts. All my time.

I’ve been bored my whole life.

I want her to get me up in the middle of the night.

What could be more positive than a baby. What could be a better miracle? What could be more of a blessing?

Unconditional love. That doesnt even describe it. You dont know love until you’ve had a child. I want something to make me want to know love.

I want something to save my heart. Something to prevent me from going bitter.

This is the only something i will allow.

I want a baby.

But i dont want to raise a child. Womp. Womp.

COURAGE

I am corageous.  I am brave.

I AM A PUSSY WHEN IT COMES TO EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS. Wether its good or bad feelings.  I just can’t.  I’ve mastered being able to tell my friends (I THINK) And for the most part I can talk my family but when it comes to telling a person how I feel about them or something they did, I am a coward.

I just can’t get the words to form a sentence.  And even now as I try to explain it… I can’t find the words.

I’m hoping that if I accept that I have a problem and admit to it here on wordpress… then it will all go away. And when I post this, I will be able tell him off.

PRINCE OR PRINCESS

ON A PERSONAL LEVEL.

FORGET GOD. AND MORALS.

Heartless.

My life OR another. Only the “another” is a living piece of me .

Save myself? That’s selfish.

Like depression and suicide, it’s a cop out.

I’m not ready.  But when are we ever ready for what life throws at us?  With everything else, I deal.  I keep it moving.  So with this I need to MAN THE FUCK UP.

I’ts my body.  This is true. No one has the right to tell me what to do with it.  but how could I choose to get rid of a part of my body? Something special. A blessing.  If I really think about how it works/happens… IT’S AMAZING. But it can hurt me? We’re not talking about a cancerous lung.

It wouldn’t be about me anymore?  That’s scary. I MADE THAT CHOICE.

It looks like me. Well good, I’m gorgeous.  It looks like him. Well good, I won’t have to miss him.

Pass up what will be the love of my life? I just can’t.

There’s so much to say,

The King

Operation Interrupt His Thoughts

It all started when I was on the platform waiting for my train and someone caught my eye.  He wore a plaid shirt… YUCK. I hate that skater boy look.

But man oh man, was he cute! Nice complexion. Hispanic. Tall. Nice fit jeans. Not too tight or too big.  I liked what I saw.

I was smiling and practically batting my eyes at him, when i realzed he looked like Jay.  That DAMN Jay.  He ruins everything with out even being around to ruin it!  The plaid shirt man could  be the love of my life but I wouldn’t talk to him because he’ll remind me of Jay. I stop thinking about the mystery man in the plaid shirt.

Too many hours pass and I’m still thinking about how Jay’s a life ruiner and how I want to call him or text him or email him about how sick he makes me.  OOOOOOOO I have to do something.

I figure I can’t communicate with him.  My pride won’t let me.  And I will not explain why I can’t any further.  So i figure, I have to get him to think about me.  I don’t care whether its a negative thought or a positive thought.  I would like to interrupt his thoughts with a thought of me.

I decide to send him a blank text.  That will do.  He’ll see my number and he’ll think of me.  And even if i never know if he recieved it, even if I don’t get a reply or any reaction. The belief that I would interrupt his thoughts, with a thought of me is enough to satisfy me.

I find his number, because I deleted it from my contacts and I text him a blank text.  I put my phone down and walk away.  To my surprise, the phone rings.  It’s him.  I don’t answer.  I laugh out loud.  Mission accomplished.

There’s so much to say.

Or not say.

The KING

Rain Drops

It was supposed to rain but it didn’t. I decided I would take my usual, beautiful day walk to the seaport. I get distracted easily by a sign that says GAP. “There’s a GAP here!?” I say to myself (in my head of course). “OK. I’m going in and I’m coming out.”

Within 7 minutes I found a pair of jeans, applied for a GAP card (was denied) and bought the jeans. I rush out of GAP, realizing that my lunch hour is almost over and run into giant rain drops!

Disgusted, I look around to see if anyone is selling umbrellas. Of course, there isn’t. So I wait. And wait. And 5 minutes later, I am within 2 minutes of my lunch hour being over, so I start walking in the rain.

I thought I would be annoyed, but I wasn’t. The temperature was nice. The raindrops were warm. There was no wind. Just big warm raindrops. And I didn’t want to walk fast anymore.

I got the building and looked back at the rain. I should have been mad that I was soaked but I was mad that I couldn’t stay in the rain. I mean I could have spent a little more time in the rain, but didn’t. Not because of the deadline, because I would have been sitting at my desk soaked and cold.

I decided I love the rain when its warm outside, when the raindrops are warm and big, when there’s no rush and when there’s a pleasant place to dry.

There’s so much to say,
The KING

FU<3

I listened to my heart.

Not my mind.

Not the KING thing to do.

My heart mislead me.

Fuck you heart.

There’s so much to say,

The King